It turns out that two is a million more kids than one.

Adam Mansbach famously gave voice to two of parenting’s primal struggles inGo the Fuck to SleepandYou Have to Fucking Eat.NowFuck, Now There Are Two of Youtackles a new addition to the family and all the fears and frustrations attendant to the simple, math-defying fact that two is a million more kids than one.

As you probably know by now, you shouldn’t read it to a child.